Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Bad Idea #1

Welcome to a new segment here at "A Spoonful Weighs a Ton". This "Bad Idea" segment aims to assemble all the possible bad ideas that haven't been thought of yet, in an effort to stop these ideas from reaching mainstream media, due to copyright laws. I would not be surprised if the list reaches the low 200's. Let's begin. The following movie will never see the light of day (unless I decide to sell the rights, but as I've maintained from day 1, Spoonful cannot be bought.)

Bad Idea #1

Movie Title: Commutator Zero

Movie Description: An alien, Z, who takes the form of a man, comes to earth from a far away galaxy. Actually, he comes from so far away that the physical laws in his home universe are much different from our own. One of the more interesting laws in his homeland is the "commutator zero" law, which is the name given for the fact that it does not matter what order you do things. Ever. For example, you would probably agree that the order of the following tasks is important for the ultimate outcome:

1. Fill a pot with water
2. Boil water
3. Put hand in water
4. Take hand out of water

Now do this:

1. Fill a pot with water
2. Put hand in water
3. Take hand out of water
4. Boil water

Very different outcomes due to a modest reordering of tasks, yes? But in Zuzuu (Z's home planet, and universe, where also z and u are the only letters they have, so they have to use the same name for planet and universe, due of course to the very limited number of words they can actually create) the order does not matter! Wrap your head around that. Of course you can't, it's like trying to imagine a fourth spatial dimension, a new color, or a Brit with good teeth! (To my British readers: That was certainly a low blow, and very unoriginal. Here's the problem though. My backspace key is quite honestly broken, so both you and I are stuck with that joke. Sorry.)

Ok, so I hope you're following. Now, Z comes to earth, and since he is used to the order of tasks never being an issue, hilarious occurences, well, they occur. The first hilarious occurence will probably be the hand in the boiling water bit. I'm not sure how to motivate that scene, but it will come. Another hilarious occurence could be when Z goes to the bathroom! Yes, you've probably already thought of this. Recommended order: Go to the bathroom, then clean yourself up. What Z does is this: Cleans himself up, then goes to the bathroom! Leaving himself unclean! Gross!

So, after a good two hours of exploring Z and his interesting dilemma, the movie will "end" and the audience will be asked to leave. Once the patrons have left the theatre, the real ending will be shown to an empty theatre. This seemingly absurd conclusion of course is one final illustration, that indeed, on planet earth, the order of doing things is very important! This is art baby.

This is a really bad idea.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like it, I like it a lot.

So which came first, were you thinking up bad ideas or did you think of this idea and realize it was bad?

2:13 PM  
Blogger a spoonful weighs a ton said...

If you're suggesting that I've been thinking up potential plotlines to add to my list of "Likely Oscar Winning Movie Plotlines For the Years 2007-2017" and mistakenly came up with this one, you are simply wrong.

As an aside, stay tuned for a future blog entry, entitled "Likely Oscar Winning Movie Plotlines For the Years 2007-2017".

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does one of them involve a spinster solving mysteries with her cats?

1:16 PM  

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