Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The End

This blog is probably done for good.

There is nothing original left in my brain.

Except for this one idea for a movie, about this guy who has a time machine that allows him to travel forward in time at exactly the same rate as one would without the machine. He tries to convince people that it really is a time machine with only one speed setting, but everyone wants to apply Occam's razor to the situation, and the movie ends with him saying to himself "It seems that in this case, Occam's razor is, simply put, too sharp!"

JoeyJoJo has written a trailer for the movie, which is awesome. Here it is.


What if the world you knew…

Scene: One of those spinning shots where the guy is in the middle and everything is revolving around him.

was only slightly different than what you thought?

Scene: Shot of the hero quizzically looking at his time machine.

[/end trailer]

In case you were wondering, that was the perfect joke. That's a good way to end, thanks JoeyJoJo.

The End.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Spoonful Presents: I Never Knew That!

Nepal is the single most Hinduic nation of the world (by percentages of practicing citizens of course.)

I never knew that!

Oliver Heaviside proposed the existence of the Kennelly-Heaviside Layer of the ionosphere which bears his name.

I never knew that!

Homophobia is not a laughing matter. It really isn't.

I never knew that!

There remains no atheistic theory of verbs and adverbs. Even still, this is not a proof of God's existence.

I never knew that!

Though a 20 ton Mack truck may be on course to hit you in your Hyundai Sonata, the fact that there exists a thin yellow to his and your left, is enough reason for you to not take corrective action against what appears to be certain disaster. In fact, it's best if you don't.

I never knew that!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Guest Blog: Bad Idea #3

This one is from a regular reader, JoeyJoJo.

I'm publishing it before I even read it, I have faith in this guy.

Bad Idea #3

The set up is this: it’s several hundred years in the future, the world is all city. There are no more forests and cities are built on top of oceans. Microchips are implanted in every baby born. These chips allow you to communicate with anyone simply by thinking it. Coordinating movement has become instinctual, huge groups of people act together without contemplating why.

But there is a downside as well. Without proper discipline each and every thought can be communicated to whoever you are thinking about. The weak-minded have no privacy, no time alone and they turn to a popular new drug.

"The Flew" blocks your mind’s outputs, so you can’t communicate with others. It’s the only way for some people to survive. But the drug mutates and instead of blocking the output it is soon blocking other’s inputs.

If the world government doesn’t act fast enough, soon everyone will be infected and society will revert to a primitive age.

If this idea isn’t bad enough, let me add this: lead actor – Nicholas Cage.

Here’s the trailer.

In a world where everyone is connected…

Scene: Wide shot of a huge city, huge buildings, people everywhere. Zoom in on a man who is having a conversation in his mind with nobody in particular. Zoom in again, this time inside his brain and come back out to show a woman in a different city carrying on the other side of the conversation.

boundaries shrink…

Scene: A crowded bar, a lonely man sitting on a bar stool. A sexy woman sits down next to him. The man closes his eyes and starts muttering to himself. Zoom inside his brain and there is a shot of him and the woman sharing an intimate moment. The image is shattered and we see the woman throwing her drink in his face and slapping him.

and the only escape…

Scene: A dirty underground area. The man in the bar looks around nervously. Zoom inside his brain and we see him shooting up some kind of drug. The image is again lost and he opens his eyes to see a man standing in front of him, peddling a drug called, “the flew.” The dealer says, “Want to fly away?”

is the one thing you can’t do.

Scene: A multitude of quick-hitting shots, showing glimpses of a highly organized military police converging in the underground area, shots of the man in various locales, wide shots of entire populations moving in unison like a flock of birds, then ending by zooming out and showing the entire world, but there is no more green and blue, it is all gray, an entire world of buildings and pavement.

I also want to incorporate the idea that the entire world has become like one being. The way each part can communicate with others, we don’t have to think about what everything in our body needs to do in order to move our arm, it just all happens. That’s the basis for this bad movie idea. I want to get in that ending shot where you pull way back and get a picture of something like the space baby in 2001.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Bad Idea #2

Welcome to part 2 in this recurring series. The motivation behind this series can be found at Bad Idea #1. This bad idea is once again for a really bad movie. I've written the first page of the script, and the rest pretty much writes itself.

Movie Title: Neuron 5 and the Fall of Humanity

We see nothing but darkness, as a narrator begins to speak.

"Every morning within the skull of one James Sittler, a resident of San Diego, California, a neuron would fire. The firing of this neuron, henceforth referred to as neuron 1, would be followed by the firing of neuron 2 a fraction of a second later. Then fired neurons 3 and 4. At this point, neurons 5, 6, 7, and 8 would, for all practical purposes, fire simultaneously. This interesting series of events corresponded to the thought inside the skull of James as "A new morning! It is time to get out of bed. I feel like some coffee." Neurons 9 through 21 would then fire in such a sequence as to generate the thought "But you don’t look like coffee", followed closely by neurons 22 through 29 firing giddily, saying "That’s mildly humorous, but why do I make this joke every morning?"

These neuron firings happened the same way every morning for most of James’ adult life. Unfortunately for the human race, the sequence of neuron firings outlined above, but with one small change whereby neuron 5 did not fire, generated the thought “It’s time to devise a plan to end humanity.” Due to a quantum slip, neuron 5 failed to fire one sunny June morning, 2011. It should be mentioned that determinism had long since decided to put James in a position whereby he could act on this thought. A truly horrible twist of fate indeed! For James was a world leader in the fight against bioterrorism and was employed at a biosecurity firm, the very firm that was designed to stop humans with quantum slips in neuron 5 from ever succeeding in their plans. This was the beginning of the downfall of humanity, which would be wiped out in a few short years. I am the lone survivor, and I have a built this time machine to go back to 2011 and kill James Sittler!."

Lights turn on in his garage, to reveal the time machine. It's big and metallic.


From here we follow the heroes plight as he battles forces, neither good nor evil, in his attempt to stop what at first glance appears to be unstoppable. Will determinism eventually have its way? Is there anything our hero can do about it? We are led to question the concepts of free will, determinism, time travel, and probably God. In the end, it appears as though our hero has overcome the forces and has subdued James Sittler. It will turn out that the head injury James received in the scrum is the reason for neuron 5 not firing the next morning. That is a twist that is almost unfathomable, as our hero was in fact being used as a pawn in the twisted game that determinism plays on us all.

I may end the movie with it all being a dream, but I haven't decided one way or the other.

I don't think anybody has thought of anything remotely like this before.

A lot of my ideas seem to involve time travel. I'm just going to go ahead and pretend that doesn't mean anything.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Book Review: Degrees of Freedom

I just finished reading my copy the new book "Degrees of Freedom", and I echo the sentiments of many reviewers in saying that this book truly brings us into a new era of the written word. This book accomplishes so much and is so entertaining that I barely know where to begin. I almost feel embarrassed in putting myself in a position of judgement over this book, as if I can adequately assess this profound work of genius using my reptilian mind.

The book begins in a lecture hall, circa 2005, location: Madison, Wisconsin. A physics professor is lecturing clearly and concisely on the concept of "degrees of freedom", a really boring idea in physics that you shouldn't care about. That is until this author weaves this idea seamlessly with that of another important concept, the concept of slavery. After our brief encounter in the lecture hall, we are taken to late 18th century America, where we meet our hero, a slave named Mercury. As it turns out, Mercury is really sad (due to the slavery). He sets on a course of action to try to free himself from his "yankee oppressors". Through his adventures we come to learn more and more about this character, including his proficiency at manipulating the laws of nature to serve himself. I don't think a lot of slaves had this power, but Mercury sure does. The interesting thing though, is that instead of smiting his captors, he decides to travel in time, to you guessed it, Madison, Wisconsin, circa 2005. Yes, he's the physics professor! Holy smokes, crazy time.

I won't give away too much of this book, mostly because of the difficulty I would have explaining the mirrored story lines in the two eras. For example, it is difficult to imagine how the author could successfully draw parallels between an increasing heat capacity of a gas as the degrees of freedom increase, to that of a slave being exposed to a higher level of freedom, and the emotional toll it takes. But he does it! And in the end, we are led to the questions that we must face ourselves: What is freedom? Am I truly free? The answers may surprise you! (Hint: No, you're not free, metaphorically speaking. If you're an alcoholic, you're a slave to alcohol.)

There are a number of smaller themes throughout the novel as well, which if it weren't for the majestic story drawing our full attention, would surely draw our entire planet further into the truth. It will take years, and many rereadings, for the full glory of this book to shine through. For example, the author manages to finally unite science and religion, rewrite the rules of poetry, and make giant strides in the theory underlying nanotechnology.

Most people are probably hesitant to read 3000+ pages, but if you do, you will come away as a changed human. I used to do cocaine every day. Since I read this book, I no longer have to. The rate at which endorphins are no being produced in my brain has skyrocketed 10-fold.


You may be confused at this point, as there is no book entitled "Degrees of Freedom", or at least I hope not. Often I read a book review and conclude "I wish I wrote that book." Well, now I can. I'm going to email this review out to various publishers, and once someone agrees that they would like to publish a book with that kind of review, the writing process will begin. It is likely that I'll be very rich in a few short weeks.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Vacuously True (and Hilariously Over-the-top!) Statements That Can't Be Denied

  • Every time I murder a small puppy, I feel absolutely delighted! (What?)
  • Whenever x2 < -23 (assuming x is real of course), I like to douse myself in gasoline, and light myself on fire! (That's an over-the-top statement if I've ever heard one! And hilarious too.)
  • Every day that is February 30th, I like to recommend heroine as a cure for the common cold! (No doctor in his/her right mind would agree with the implication of my statement. Yet it is true nonetheless, or at least vacuously so. That's what makes it really funny.)
  • You will never see a sad face on the dance floor (That one is just true, as I've stated before in an earlier entry.)

So you see, math can be fun!

In addition to being able to make such statements as these, I also advise you to make use of the following rebuttal when someone makes a conjecture that a certain statement is true. When your nemesis, or friend, or girl you are trying to impress says "X is true", you reply with "Yeah, vacuously true!" It rarely makes sense, but on the off chance it does, well it's seriously worth it. You will be honoured for years to come. People will reminisce about the time you said "Yeah, vacuously true!" and it made complete sense, as the premise of your foe's statement could never be fulfilled.

Is my blog getting better and better? Answer: Debatable.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

My Computer Achieved Consciousness Today

Just for 10 minutes though. I was not expecting this, not today.

What did he say? He said we're on the right track. I had a feeling we were.
Site Meter